The tear
by Saaabric
Summary: well, it was a oneshot. LOL "For God's sake! Can't you just let me love you!" Elliot asked shouting and crying at the same time. EO all the way! EO all the way.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Do you think That if i owned them i would be writting fanfics? LOL**

**A/N: Rated T just to be safe. Something that came to my mind while I was listening to a song, Do what you have to do by Sarah McLachlan. I won't lie it's kind of sad. Thank you Nettie for your help, as always.** **Please review!**

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Olivia missed walking in these streets; they were so different back in Boston. They were empty in comparison to the hustle and bustle around her now. She missed so many things, not just the streets, she missed the weather, the buildings, the sounds, the smells, and she missed Elliot. She had been so miserable with and without him. 

She had run away like always, she wouldn't let herself to have a relationship with the only man she ever allowed herself to fall in love with. When she helped Kathy in the crash she knew she couldn't go on like that. She loved herself way too much to allow it. Yes she knew Elliot was married and having their fifth child, and she was happy about it, because she could see a smile on his face more often, but she was also sad because it wasn't a smile she had caused. She had run to Boston, where she would not see him.

Today, however, she was walking down the streets of New York because of Simon's birthday. He had called her to come and it had been a very nice party. Simon knew she needed this, to feel like a part of his family, she wanted, needed to feel they were related by more than blood but by love. After a week in New York, she was leaving once again to return to the home she created in Boston two years ago.

Olivia was walking in front of the 1-6. It was so different but still the same. It had been a long two years since she was here. Two years without him, without his smiles, without his voice, without his presence. She hadn't allowed herself to think about him those two years, and now it was all she thought about. It was like if a knife slicing her heart in two and killing her. She had tried hard not to allow herself to love him but she couldn't help it, she loved him like she had never loved anyone.

Elliot surrounded her all the time; she could even feel him when she was walking. She had been trying to escape from this feeling, but the yearning to be with him was stronger. Olivia had realized she didn't know how to let him go. He was doing what he needed to do; faith had led him through it. It was killing her to know she was only thinking about him and how she existed just for him.

Convincing herself that she had done the right thing by leaving in the first place, Olivia felt an old and familiar sensation overtake her. She didn't have to turn around to know who was there and she hated herself for it. She hated herself for continuing to love him and for knowing everything she knew about him. She hated herself for having ever met him in the first place.

Olivia closed her eyes waiting for the inevitable. This man, who she knew too well, was approaching her without any warning. She wanted to see him, but at the same time she didn't. Seeing him would mean talking to him and bringing up all the stuff she didn't want to remember. But it was too late now; Elliot was only a meter away from her. She didn't turn; she just waited for him.

"Liv," was the only thing he said. She loved how he used her nickname, but, under the circumstances, she didn't want to hear it.

Still Olivia didn't turn to face him, she couldn't. How do you face someone you love after two years? As he placed a soft and warm hand on her shoulder, she knew she had to stop walking. She reminded herself she had to hate him in order not to break down in front of him.

Olivia let out a small sigh and turned around to find the man she had loved with an undying passion. His blue eyes penetrated her; they penetrated her like no one had done before. Elliot hugged her like the day of the accident, but closer and longer. This time he really hugged her. He hugged her like she deserved. She hid her face in his neck absorbing his scent and trying to concentrate on the fact that she was in his arms.

When the hug finally ended, Elliot took her face between his hands.

"I'll take you for dinner," he said and she answered in the only way she could, she nodded. Why couldn't she just say no and walked away? She knew she would end up being hurt again, as always. They walked together side by side just like all the times before. The trip was in silence, but it was not an ugly silence, it was the silence people share when they know each other too well.

They entered a beautiful restaurant and ordered dinner. As the waiter walked away with the orders, Elliot took her hand in his just before he started talking. She needed his touch, she needed to feel him or she would die.

"It's been two years, how have you been?" he asked hoping she would answer with the truth and not with another answer just to avoid the subject.

"I've been okay, tell me about you," she continued their chat. As he took a sip of his wine, she wondered what it would be like to be that glass and just get lost on his arms. She came back to reality again. The cold reality.

"I'm better now," Elliot answered and wondered if she was dating someone. He knew she needed someone in her life, someone who would love her as much as he loved her, someone who could make her happy and proud. "Are you dating someone?" he asked smiling sweetly.

"Yes. His name is Sean. He's a really good guy and we've been together for a year now," she answered, taking a sip of her wine, knowing this would be a very difficult and painful conversation. She was not ready for it and she didn't want it. She didn't want to ask about Kathy, but it would be cold if she didn't. "How are Kathy and Elliot Junior?"

"Things between Kathy and I are not so well, you know. Little Elliot is two now and growing very fast like the rest of the kids," he answered honestly. Things between he and his wife had changed radically after Olivia left, Kathy finally realized her husband was in love with his partner and there was nothing she could do to change it. But the truth was that her absence was the worst thing he had been through. It took him an entire year to realize she was gone and not coming back.

But the truth for Olivia was very different from the one she was telling Elliot. It was true that she was dating Sean, she met him on a case and he fell in love with her. It was nice to be with him but, he was not the man she really loved. She had spent the last year with a guy she didn't love and now she was sitting in front of the love of her life. It was ironic. This feeling was so pure and real, so deep. She loved him so much it was killing her, so much it was making her want to cry.

"Why did you leave?" he asked in a soft and low tone. It was something that had been running through his mind from the moment she left. His eyes were full with tears just thinking about her and how much he loved her. There was nothing he could do about it and he just had to accept it and be happy for her and Sean.

"I wanted to go on," she simply answered. She wondered if it was hard for him to go on after she left, but it was something she would never ask him, the answer would be too painful. She was also afraid of this dinner; she never wanted to see him again. Knowing if she did, it would be like stabbing a knife in her stomach. She had been cut once in the neck, and she knew loving him was more painful. It was more painful by far. How could she be so stupid not to accept the fact she had been lying to herself and the truth was that she couldn't live without him?

Elliot gave a small nod. He also wanted to go on, to forget that he had ever met her. To forget her smile, her scent, her presence, the way she could calm him down, to forget the way he loved her. There it was! He had finally admitted it, to himself at least, that he loved her. Why couldn't he just tell her and this torture would end? He wanted to kiss her like he had never kissed anyone before, he wanted to make love to her, he wanted to show the world how much he loved her, he wanted to show to her how much he loved her, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. "How long are you staying?" he asked. He wanted so many things, he wanted her.

"This is my last night here in New York," Olivia answered wanting to jump on his arms and love him. She wanted to erase everything that happened, every mistake both had made and she wanted to erase leaving for Boston. There was no time to do that. She was going tomorrow and Sean would be waiting for her. Damn Elliot! Why didn't he just leave her alone so she could cry, cry about him.

They ended their meal in silence just thinking about each other. Elliot paid for the meal and walked outside with her. She stopped a cab; she didn't want to walk with him to the place where she was staying. She just wanted to forget about him and prepare her suitcases for the morning.

She opened the cab's door and waited some seconds before talking. This was goodbye. They both knew it was. And if it was goodbye, they wouldn't see each other again. "I think this is goodbye," she said with a small and empty smile.

He nodded and before she could say anything else, his lips landed on hers. They both closed their eyes and kissed. This was goodbye. She wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened his kiss, wanting to record every second of the moment in her mind, she wanted this to be her last memory of him. When he broke the kiss he saw tears in her eyes and there was only one thing he could bring himself to say. "Stay."

She closed her eyes and cried in front of him. She was surprised to find him crying as well when she opened her eyes.

"I can't," she whispered and placed her hand on his cheek. Why this is happening right now? Why didn't he kiss her before? She would hate herself for leaving, but she would also hate herself if she stayed.

"Why you can't stay?" he asked with hope although he knew what the answer would be. They both needed to go on. But he just couldn't forget about this woman so simply.

"Take care of yourself, please," she whispered before hugging him one last time. This was goodbye. Things would be hard for both of them, but it was the right thing to do. They say time heals all wounds but they knew it was not true.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear while he was hugging her and kissing her forehead before she entered the cab. He knew it would be the last time he would see her.

"I love you too," she whispered back from her seat inside the cab. It didn't take long before it took off, leaving the place where they stood seconds ago, leaving their story as well.

A small and simple tear fell down her cheek, leaving a small trace of water behind. Their kiss was unbelievable and pure. It was pure love and they both knew it. That tear was what tore them apart. In time, that tear would follow its own way as they would do . She hoped she would be able to meet him again, but she knew she wouldn't, moving on at its own pace, leaving healing in its wake.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Well yes, it was a oneshot, but since my friend Tori asked me to add another chapter and I was also concidering on writting another one, I just added it. I was thinking of making this story a four-chapter-story, tell me what you think okay? Nettie thank you as always.**_

_**You should probably read the poem named Tears by Jennifer, aka BiggestSVUFAN. She wrote it to go with the first chapter of this story. Please review :D:D**_

_**Happy Valentine's Day,** _

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__Sometimes… there's only one thing left to say. _

Olivia Benson spent the last year like a complete fool. She ran away from the man and life she longed to have. Furthermore, she ran away after kissing him. She couldn't stop thinking about him and about their kiss. Even though it had only been a year it felt like an eternity. She had been through many changes this year and she couldn't say if they were for good or not. Her relationship with Sean was pretty serious right now.

Sean had been offered a very good and respectable job in London, so both of them traveled to Europe to start a new life. Olivia was not sure if this was what she wanted, but she accepted anyway because she thought it would be a good way to forget about her forbidden love. A new country, new people, and a new accent was what she needed.

It took Olivia a whole month to sleep in the same bed with Sean after the kiss she shared with Elliot. At first, Sean believed she had been cheating on him, but after she told him the whole truth, he understood. There was a part of him who always knew about this and about the fact that his own girlfriend loved someone else. They'd never talked about it, because he'd never thought it was necessary.

A couple of months ago, Olivia was shot while investigating a case with her partner. When she was asleep in hospital, she kept whispering Elliot's name. Nurses thought it was the name of her husband, so when Sean arrived all worried, the doctors asked him if he was Elliot, Olivia's husband. It was something which hurt him deeply, but he pretended as if nothing had happened. Sean felt like a stupid man to love Olivia that much and to know she didn't love him the same way.

That's why, last week, when Olivia told him she was going back to visit NY because her niece had been born; he wondered if she would ever come back. It was like she had a tattoo on her forehead saying "I love Elliot Stabler"

One week after that, Olivia was standing right in front of Simon, holding Alice in her arms. The baby was more than beautiful and she had the same blue eyes as her dad. She had been the first one Simon called when Alice was born; it was the first time Olivia felt like she was part of a family and she was enjoying a wonderful relationship with her brother and his wife. They had both welcomed her into the family since day one; there were hard times, when they thought she didn't want to be part of the family, like when she thought Simon had raped that woman.

She spent two days with in her brother's house and then booked into a hotel, where she would feel in private, there were many things she needed to think about. She promised Casey, she would call her once she arrived.

Casey Novak was talking to her best friend by phone giving her back to the door. She had missed her so much this year. So the two friends were planning on meeting. "Okay, Liv, I'll see you in half an hour," she said into the phone, without noticing Elliot had heard the whole conversation.

"Don't tell Elliot I've back, okay?" Olivia was definitely not ready to see him. She knew if she did she would have to talk to him and that felt like a knife being stabbed in her stomach. She had loved him for so long and knowing she was not able to be with him hurt deeply. Casey knew how much she loved Elliot and the pain she was in; she was Olivia's best friend after all.

"I promise, see you then Liv," Casey told her friend before hanging up the phone and continuing with her work. When she turned, she found Elliot there. "Elliot," she whispered and Elliot took a step inside closing the door behind him.

"Olivia is here?" he asked with tears forming in his eyes, tears which were about to fall from those beautiful blue eyes. Casey looked to the ceiling, trying to avoid eye contact with this man. "Where is she, Case?" he asked coming closer to her. Casey could hear the desperation in his voice and knew he really loved her.

"El, I promised her I wouldn't tell you, I'm sorry," she whispered to one of her best friends. She hated to deny him information but Olivia was also one of her friends and she would not betray her, even though there was something telling her she would.

Elliot looked to the floor before stepping next to Casey. "I love her, Case," his voice was almost a whisper. It broke her heart to hear him talking like that. She had always known his true feelings, but never thought he would tell her.

Casey felt like a stupid liar for telling Elliot where Olivia was. But there was something on his face when he asked which broke Casey's heart. Elliot was walking to where Casey had said she would meet Olivia. He couldn't believe he was actually going to see her after a whole year. He had missed her with every beat of his heart, and he hated himself for not running after her. It was something he would never forgive himself for. He had pushed her away so many times when the only thing he wanted to do was kiss her and hold her close to him.

The waiting was killing him, so he decided to run. He was breathing fast and his heart raced. He had been so arrogant for years, never accepting the fact that he had thought he could live without her. Olivia Benson was everything to him, everything. He finally arrived at the café and looked around for her.

Olivia was there looking through some magazine, waiting for Casey. As he walked to her, he noticed her hair was shorter than the last time he had seen her. She looked beautiful; he could barely breathe or walk. They really hadn't time to be together the last time she was in town, so he wanted to make sure, he would have time with her today.

Several seconds passed and he thought he should probably call her name, yeah… that would be the right thing to do. Elliot opened his mouth to speak but he was so nervous, his voice was a whisper "Liv…" Olivia stopped reading the magazine and raised her head to look at the man who was capable of making her go crazy.

She couldn't believe her eyes. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes filled with tears instantly. How do you love someone so much you forget how to breathe? Months of seeing him in her dreams stopped in that second. She would probably have to kill Casey. Olivia was not ready for this; she was not ready to face this. "Elliot," she whispered standing up.

His eyes traveled her body and face within seconds. Elliot had longed for this day for a long, long time. It broke his heart to let her go the first time and the second one, killed him. He studied her face for a while and noted she was scared about this meeting as much as he was. "Is it that bad to see me?" he asked smiling.

She didn't want to have this conversation and she didn't want to see his smile, because if she did she knew she wouldn't be able to walk away. She closed her eyes and let one tear fall, showing how much it actually hurt to see him. Elliot understood what it meant because one tear was falling from his eye as well. He took a step forward and waited for her answer. "No, you're… perfect," Olivia whispered. The tension they felt was always there, but this time it was stronger. It was ripping his heart and hers too. "I'm going to kill Casey,"

Elliot let out a small laugh as he wiped his tear. He kept staring at her, remembering how much she hurt him last year. He closed his eyes and smiled, remembering how sweet and beautiful their first kiss was. It seemed so stupid right now, after a year has passed. Olivia walked and passed through him, only to be stopped by his hand on her arm. He turned her body, so he could face her. She was crying, silently, but she was crying.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and hid her face there. Both of them felt electricity run through their bodies, but at this point it was something they were used to. Elliot wrapped an arm around her waist and placed a hand on her back stroking it gently. It was killing him to feel her sobs and her tears on his neck. She had been holding this in for a year. "Please tell me you're not leaving tomorrow," he whispered into her ear as tears fell.

Olivia would probably have to leave tomorrow after this, but she simply couldn't always run away. Not after experiencing what it felt like to be away from him.

That's when she remembered Sean and what he had said to her. She couldn't just break his heart. He had plans for them. "No, I'm not," the words escaped her lips before she could think about it. Elliot let out a sigh knowing he would have more than a day with her.

"Let's go to my place," he whispered.

…

By the time they arrived, Olivia had stopped crying and was pretending everything was okay. Her skin was burning every time he held her hand, or every time she felt his breath on her skin. Everything looked the way she remembered it in his apartment. The furniture was the same and the photos were the same. His voice interrupted her thoughts "Do you want a beer?"

She sat on his couch and took some time to answer. The last time she has heard him asking her that was like three years ago, when they were partners. If they were not partners anymore, what was preventing her from loving him? "Nope, thanks," she whispered and kicked her sandals off. She drew her knees up under her chin as he sat by her side holding a beer in his hand.

Elliot didn't know what to ask and didn't know what to say either. Their special relationship had changed into what they shared now; this unexpected and complicated feeling. They'd been playing this game for a long time so they didn't know what to do anymore. She had hurt him when she left and he had hurt her when he pushed her away and went back with Kathy. Olivia was not only not facing him, but she was not facing her feelings either.

He decided he should be the first one to talk so they could start this over because he was sure that she still felt something for him because she agreed to come over. What he was thinking! He could see it on her face, in her eyes and in her body language. "I got divorced," he dropped a bomb on her. Her mouth opened wide with confusion. She couldn't believe it!

Olivia placed a hand on his shoulder and took the beer from him. She took a big sip of it and then gave it back to him. "I'm so sorry to hear that," she said. At this point she didn't know what to feel anymore because as his 'friend' she should be sorry for that, but as the woman who loves him, she should be happy for it.

"I'm not," Elliot said loudly. She was more than shocked by his response, wasn't he the one who always sacrificed his happiness for his family? He moved abruptly and captured her face between his hands "Because I love you." She didn't move but surprised him with her answer.

"If we're going to touch this subject you'd better bring me a beer." It was not exactly what he expected to hear, but he rushed to the kitchen and appeared a second later with a beer for her. She took it and almost drank half of it.

As the minutes went by, his feelings for her increased and he wasn't able to hide them anymore. "I moved to London." His eyes widened when he heard that. She later explained the reasons why and he couldn't tolerate her relationship with Sean. It broke his heart to hear she had a wonderful life with this new guy. "Did he propose?" he asked giving up.

Olivia could see the pain in his eyes and that killed her, so she wiped his tears away from his face and answered. "Yes, but I said I needed to think about it. I'm never gonna love him the way I love you." Her lips landed on his. He kissed her back and wrapped his arms around her body in an attempt to show her how much he needed her and how much he loved her. "That's why I have to leave," she whispered once the kiss ended.

Elliot stood up angrily and walked around the place as Olivia cried. "That doesn't make sense! You don't say things like that and then walk away, Olivia!" He sat back where he was. "For God's sake! Can't you just let me love you?!" he asked shouting and crying at the same time.

"Elliot, I've hidden these feelings for you deep inside my heart and that's why it hurts so much," Olivia whispered. They loved each other so much that just kissing was not enough. Nothing was enough for them. This feeling was so deep it was ripping their hearts out and killing them. It was making them going crazy and making them hate themselves. "Elliot, it's killing me to know that you're the only man I've ever truly loved." A sob escaped her mouth.

He kissed her once again as they sobbed. This time, Elliot picked her up in his arms and placed her on his bed where they kept kissing while taking each other's clothes off. "I love you so much," she whispered as she kissed his neck.

"I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3

_**Well people, here I am with chapter number three! There's one chapter left. Nettie your help is wonderful sweetie, Thank you so much- as always :D Tori, Stace this chapter is for you ladies!**_

_**You should probably read a poem named Tears by Jennifer, aka BiggestSVUFAN. It goes with the first chapter of the story. I had to post it, so don't look it up in her profile page, okay? Thanks.**_

_**Anyone who added my story to his/hers story alert, feel free to drop me a line whenever you can, I hope soon. LOL**_

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Next morning, Olivia Benson woke up like a princess in a fairytale. She was awoken by the kiss of her Prince Charming, Detective Elliot Stabler. Last night was not what she was expecting, she was not expecting to make love with Elliot, she just wanted to have a normal conversation. However, if anyone asked her if she would change anything about last night, the answer would be no, definitely NO!

Olivia woke up smiling and rested her head on his chest while he stroked her hair softly. He hadn't said anything since last night and neither had she. There was a question in the air. A question she was too afraid to answer and a question he didn't have the guts to ask because he was scared of what she would answer. He had survived when she left last time but he was not sure if he would after what happened last night between them.

She was trapped; if she decided to stay here she would hurt Sean, but if she decided to leave she would kill both Elliot and herself. She wanted to escape; she wanted to run away from this decision. "Don't run away Olivia," Elliot whispered to her ear after she moved from his grip. He could feel she was beginning to be tense. "Don't run away from this," he whispered one more time.

Olivia sat and got changed right next to Elliot, she didn't want to run away, but she didn't know what to do with this; with them. Interrupting what she was about to say, her cell phone rang. "Hello," she answered turning to Elliot, who was laying next to her, staring at her. "Hi Sean." He dropped his head back to the pillow when he heard the name.

They talked for about two minutes and then she said "Yeah, I love you too," and hung up. When she turned to face him, he was not staring at her; he was staring to the ceiling. He couldn't tolerate this anymore. Elliot stood up and got changed before sitting next to her.

"Are you going to stay or not?" he asked anger and fear in his voice. She didn't know if he was going to cry or not, but it broke her heart anyway. She closed her eyes and he hugged her so tightly she could feel each one of his muscles. It didn't take long until she felt tears on her shoulder. She managed to place her hands on his chest and push away, she opened her mouth, but he stopped her. "Don't say it Olivia, don't," he whispered.

"I don't know what to do," she answered with tears running down her face. She stood up and walked to the door and stopped. Her tears had also stopped but her heart was racing and every beat was killing her. Elliot stood up and ran to her side. When she opened the door to leave he placed a hand on the door to stop her.

"Wait, this might be the last time I'll see you and I need to tell you something… Olivia… you're my reason to live and I have changed because of you, so…" His voice broke. "I love you, don't go this time." Tears were running down his face and he had to stop talking because a sob was closing his throat.

Olivia leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips before walking away, leaving a broken man in her wake. She caught a cab to her hotel room. Maybe that was it; they kept arguing and pushing each other away, maybe… just maybe this was the end. Maybe this was the last time they'd turn away from each other..

If this was the right thing, why did it hurt so much?

They were supposed to be simple people with a simple love. Who would think this feeling would hurt you and kill you as you say it? A love that would leave you miserable and crying. This time he didn't run after her, maybe it was the way it was supposed to be.

After a short drive to her hotel, she found someone there, someone she was not expecting to find. "Sean?" she asked, her voice still shaking from crying. He had promised he would wait for her.

"I came to see if you would come after all," he said sitting by the stairs waiting for her to join him. When she did, he took her hand before talking. He could see she had been crying and he knew which the reason- Elliot. It always was.

He was the reason for her tears. "Are you going to come back this time?"

Why was everyone asking her if she was going or staying? Olivia rubbed her face and pushed some hair behind her ear as some tears fell. She was not going to answer that question. She was definitely not going to answer that. Her heart was about to explode.

"You're not going to answer me… then I already know the answer," he whispered. This was going to be hard for Sean but he needed to tell her he loved her a lot and he was about to let her go. It is said that when you love someone you should let them go. "Love touched me this time and it lasted a while… but it would kill me to stay with you knowing you love someone else." He stopped talking when she opened her mouth to speak.

"Sean… I really care about you, and I swear that I've loved every moment I've spent with you." She paused before going on. "But I'm never going to love you as much as I love him, I'm so sorry Sean, it's just…" He stood up to find her crying. "It's just… it hurts so much… so much I …"

"It's okay," Sean whispered and gave her a short hug before walking away. Olivia stayed for a few minutes before heading back to his apartment.

When she arrived Elliot was waiting for her, sitting in his entrance. He had been crying and his face was as wet as hers. She sat by his side and waited. She took his hand and held it to her chest; it was the only safe place out there, the only place where he would feel how much she loved him. She then rested her head on his shoulder. "Long day?" he asked after a sob escaped his lips. She nodded as always. "So… where will this lead us? Are you going to…?"

"Stay," she whispered before raising her head so she could see him. "Yes, I'm going to stay." She smiled and landed her lips on his. When the kiss ended they found each other crying.

"Thank God," he muttered.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Okay, here I am with the final chapter for this story.I loved this story from the beginning and I also loved all your reviews. They encouraged me to go on and update this story. Nettie-your help is wonderful as always._**

**_Tori, Stace and Jen, thanks for all your encouragment. Don't forget to check a poem named Tears by BiggestSVUFAN, (it's in my profile page) Thanks!!_**

**_I'm starting school next Monday and I'm not ready yet, so just give me some amazing long reviwes!! Please! For the ones that added this story to his/hers story alert, feel free to drop me a line whenever you can, I hope soon LOL_**

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One month and two long weeks had passed since Olivia decided to stay in NY. It was a hard decision considering she would end up breaking Elliot's heart or Sean's. But her decision was much easier when she became aware of the fact that she would end up breaking not only Elliot's heart, but hers as well if she decided to leave. After all, Sean deserved someone who would truly love him. She just couldn't walk away from the only man she ever allowed herself to fall in love with.

Olivia felt safe in his arms, in the arms of love. When she was in his arms it felt like she could really forget about every crime they saw. It was a place where she could take a break from everything she was going through. But their love would still hurt, it would always do. The feelings they felt for each other were so deep and true, that it would always hurt to love someone that much.

Olivia was there now, wrapped in his arms in the middle of the night. She would always find herself there; her head resting gently on his chest where she could feel every beat of his heart. Every beat of her heart was meant for him, they were produced by a heart that was property of someone else- Elliot. How stupid that sounded? Well, she was used to feeling stupid when she was near him.

This woman was not tired, even though it was 3:00am. Lately, she was either hungry or sleepy, but this night she was not. She got up trying not to wake Elliot up this time. She moved from his arms and sat staring at him, thinking how much she would have lost if she decided to go back to London. Suddenly, she was starving, so walking tip toe, she headed to the kitchen.

Once there, she thought about how good it would be to take a sip of a cold beer, which was waiting for her in the refrigerator, but she couldn't. She opted for an almost complete pack of cookies. "Mmm," she moaned as she took a bite of one of them. She then poured a glass of milk before walking back to the warm bed.

As Olivia sat in bed covered by the blanket, she couldn't stop thinking about the way she was going to give Elliot the news. The waiting was killing her, because she was so ready for this big step, but would he? He already had many responsibilities with his kids, work and trying not to kill IAB. They'd been on their asses since Olivia decided to work in SVU once again.

They'd been dating for almost two months; well… in fact it was going to be two month- after two weeks. But she knew he was the one meant for her, the one meant to create a family with her. As much as she wanted to tell him, there was something telling her it was too soon for this kind of commitment. What if he thought it was too soon? She would never recover from that.

As Olivia put her glass of milk on the night table she could feel Elliot waking up. She turned to face him and found he was already facing her. "Midnight snacks?" he whispered smiling pointing to her cookies and milk. He caused her to let out a small laugh before answering.

"I was hungry," she whispered smiling. Elliot laughed before taking a peek at his watch, knowing it was late for her to be awake. He was more than surprised to know what time it was. He rubbed his eyes before yawning and took her hand in his. He wanted to head back to his peaceful dreams with her in his arms.

"Come back to sleep, baby," he found himself yawning once again. He could swear something was wrong with her, or she wouldn't look so sad. He tried to search for a sign she was okay, but when he found none, he started to worry. He could see how silent tears fell from her eyes when she opened her mouth to answer him. "What is it?" he asked sitting up so he could be nearer to her.

What was ripping her heart out of her chest was the doubt as whether she should keep the baby or not. Olivia couldn't believe she was actually thinking of having an abortion. "We need to talk," the words escaped her mouth before she could even think about it. She was not ready to tell him yet; she needed to decide if she would keep the baby before telling him. How could she even consider the idea of giving the baby away when she was talking about Elliot being the father?

She couldn't tolerate herself at this point. Why would she ever doubt Elliot wanting the baby she would give him? She was probably overreacting about this situation! But what would happen if she was not? She was not strong enough to keep a baby he would not want, and she would not allow him to want this baby only because he was Catholic and he was against abortion. The baby didn't deserve that. "This is serious?" he asked concern obvious in his eyes.

Olivia nodded before her brain could notice. It was now or never, she would have to tell him. Her hope for this was so strong, she couldn't tolerate it if he dared to ruin this for her. They'd hurt each other in the past, but nothing was compared to this. Nothing would be compared to the disappointment she would feel if he didn't feel the same. That's when she realized she was thinking about a lot of 'maybes' and 'what ifs'. It was time to know what the real reaction would be. "I'm pregnant,"

Olivia Benson has just dropped a bombshell on the love of her life. Elliot stared at her for some seconds before tears fell from his eyes. He was not sure if he should cry or laugh, so he did both. He was so incredibly overwhelmed by her announcement that he didn't know how to react. It shocked him when he realized she didn't seem happy about it "Are you going to keep the baby?" he asked.

Was he really asking that to her? Of course she wanted to keep the baby! But if he was asking that, it meant he was not sure about it. She feared this, she feared the disappointment. Hell, this was the reason she was not ready to tell him yet. "I don't know… do you want to keep the baby?" she asked as tears started to fall. She was soon overwhelmed by a sob stuck in her throat- making it impossible to talk.

"It's your body, I can't force you to do anything," he whispered as tears made it difficult to focus on her facial expressions. Elliot couldn't believe she had doubts about something like this. He had dreamt about her telling him she was pregnant, but he had to admit his dreams were happier.

"It would help if you tell me you want to Elliot; because you know I'd love to have a baby." Her tears stopped falling when he wrapped his arms around her body, in a tight hug. "I want this so much," she whispered into his ear as both cried silently.

"Olivia, baby, I thought you would know how much I want this," he said as they broke the hug. She felt so stupid as he talked to her. How could she doubt him?

"I love you," Olivia whispered before both of them laid back in bed wrapped in each other's arms. This time, he was stroking her stomach.

"I love you too," he said back.

They both thought how different it felt when he was stroking her stomach now. It had a much deeper meaning, because this time, he was not simply touching her stomach, he was touching their child. "Thank you," Elliot whispered as he leaned in to kiss her.

"For what?" she asked smiling happily now she knew he was ready for this.

"For staying and for loving me like you do," he whispered before she rested her head on his chest.

She smiled before answering "In that case, I have to thank you too," Olivia whispered before both fell asleep.


End file.
